the thing about thoughts
The thing about thoughts is that they aren’t feelings.
I have great respect for so many therapeutic orientations that are analytic, especially the depth psychological approaches, which have traditionally been more cognitive in nature.
I also have great respect for thoughts, words, and words strung together thoughtfully.
But, it was not until I began guiding legal psilocybin journeys that something began to land in me in an even deeper way than before: We are all going through grief. There is not a soul on this planet right now who isn’t connected in to all the levels and layers of our shared reality. We can resist ~ we can try to think our way out of it ~ but that still won’t save us from what we feel in the silence between thoughts and words.
We simply have no choice but to feel it…however painful, however beautiful.
For some, it may feel like just an extra layer of cobwebs or little gremlins at your gates. It may feel like like there is more light just up ahead.
For others, it’s a time of tremendous stretch, strain, struggle…even torment.
Either way, it can’t always be addressed through analysis alone. Sure, we have to move into the stage of catching where we are projecting parts of our unmetabolized grief into the outer world. “I deserve to feel my anger”, one might realize, “I deserve to be seen/heard/understood”, “My feeling of sadness/anger/pain/confusion/despair/grief are valid” to name a few.
Then, at some point, you are going to have to take the risk of actually feeling the feelings. And, that might take you to places you never expected…well beyond your current sense of self, likely.
You’ll have to go in.
No one else can do that for you.
You can try to “change your thoughts” (the premise of a therapy style called CBT) to “I am WORTHY”, and maybe you will have some success. But, we all know that for the change to be lasting, we have to actually believe that new thought. We have to feel an inner shift, which takes actually meeting yourself where you are at, not where you want to be.
Most of us are sitting on unprocessed grief.
For some, it’s a little. For most, it’s a lot.
The only way to move through it is to wade into those oceans & let yourself be taken into that other place where the inner waves arise from.
I witnessed someone today on a psilocybin journey dive headfirst into a place where unthinkable memories live. It was touching; the strength of her willingness to let go into the heartbreakingly perfect mystery.
I’m still sitting in that wisdom.
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“Circlework provided for me a space to reflect and feel connected to myself and other women. To be able to take that feeling—that space—with me day to day provided me with a sense of empowerment and reassurance to any challenges I may face.”
-NADIA, VANCOUVER, BC